This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
