yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
