Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize