Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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