I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
