she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
