theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
