Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
