she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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