In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
