Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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