C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
