this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
