i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
