her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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