MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
