Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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