Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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