Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
