you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
