My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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