some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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