my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
