i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
well you can't waste a boner
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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