I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
