we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
