Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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