I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
