Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
