I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
