hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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