he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
