don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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