Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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