last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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