this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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