what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
