It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you win again, gameday.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
