and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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