i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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