is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Barsexuality is the new black.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
