this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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