Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
