if i died would you start the facebook group?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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