The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
