Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
