you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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