wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
