I want to stick my p in your. b.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
