Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
