Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
