I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize