I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
