I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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