I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
