I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
