so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
