I cut my penus on the lid.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
MIDGETS
????
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
