Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
