hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
