the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
