I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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