would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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