highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize