I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize