it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
