guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
