not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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