then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
