I'm going to jail i love you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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