he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
