I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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