Just fell off a train. Bad.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
