is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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