I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
