Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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